Just For A Moment….

Yesterday I was driving to the vision clinic to replace the lenses in my glasses. Over the years I have gone from 20/15 to bifocals. I remember enough from my flying days to cheat my way to 20/15 but there is no longer a need to do so.

A helicopter very similar to the first one I ever flew went low overhead, practicing approaches to a confined area.  My hands betrayed me.  They started moving in time, and I flew what would have been a perfect approach. I could see the line-up from the cockpit and reviewed the steps for a steep-angle approach. I am sure my wife beside me did not notice, but it was a moment, just a moment.

Hemingway’s old men dream of lions, I dream of flying.

My Life Would Suck….

One of my joys in life is discovering new songs, especially when they hit me ‘just right’.  One of the new songs I have discovered is “My Life Would Suck Without You’” Very few love songs, at least in my experience, include the word ’suck’.

Once I listened to the lyrics, I was even more intrigued.  Phrases such as “I know I have my problems, but you’re pretty messed up too” ring true to me. I appreciate the brutal honesty of the song because the person is observing truths not only about her bloved, but herself . The conclusion is  that despite the lack of perfection, despite the problems, somehow these two belong together.

In that spirit I would like to say to all the people who  have liked me, with or without cause, and to all of those who have disliked me, probably with better cause, I need you and I appreciate your effect on making me whatever it is I am today. I DO have my problems and I am probably “pretty messed up” too. Nevertheless, I have a great life, I have had a great life, and I will most likelycontinue to have a great life.

Above all, to any of my students, past, present or future who ever read this, please remember just one thing. No matter how much we might ‘bug’ each other:

“My life would suck without you!”

The Rubber Duck….

My boss instituted an award this year. It is a rubber duck, no really, a live (so to speak) rubber duck. Each staff meeting we have,  the previous recipient is supposed to pass it along to another staff member with some appropriate comments.

I don’t like the duck. You might cluck or you might buck but I still do not like the duck!

I wonder, do I hate the duck so much because it is a bi-weekly reminder that I am low on the status pole?  Do I dislike it because I am jealous (always a possibility when dealing with humans)? Do I dislike it because the nature of teaching demands that we do our BEST work when no other adult is watching and therefore, we don’t know how good our peers really are and have no criteria for the awarding of the coveted duck? Maybe I am just insecure and incapable of self-validation?

I don’t know, perhaps all of the above is true but I DON’T like the duck!

What are You Going to Do with That….?

The children are gone now. I think this is the third year in a row they have all made it home for Christmas which is a blessing and a miracle considering they are scattered from Phoenix to Germany.

When we are together I usually sit back and watch the interaction.  I think I am more aware than my offspring think but it is always an an advantage to be underestimated! One thing that really struck me this year is that, as different as we might be, we are ALL ‘what are you going to do with THAT?!’ people.

I majored in social studies (history, political science, sociology) and English. Those interests were perplexing to most of my relatives but not nearly so much as a decision to use my degree to fly helicopters for the Marine Corps. Later, I went into teaching. Teaching was semi-respectable although I had doubters who knew you couldn’t make any money doing ‘THAT’.

My wife started with a Physical Education degree with a coaching endorsement. She has since added an English endorsement. In response to the inevitable question, what she has done with THAT is to teach, coach, be a pillar of her community and church, raise three lovely children and one not-so-lovely husband, and to have more friends than anyone could possibly count.  She is also everyone’s favorite relative (including mine).

My children all have “what are you going to do with THAT” stories of their own. Never mind that the oldest two graduated with honors, their degrees are in journalism and English, classic ‘THAT’ degrees. The youngest will graduate soon, with honors, in 3 years, with a degree in social work; she wants to help children.  Her answer to people who ask what she will do with a social work degree is ‘social work’ which is pithy and to the point.

My son-in-law, also has a ‘THAT’ degree (political science). Despite this he seems to make a good living, to care about others, and to be a wonderful husband to my daughter with seemingly inexhaustible patience.

I get asked THE QUESTION constantly as I progress towards an advanced degree in ministry in a much misunderstood church much in which lay ministry is not often valued. My answer is that I am going to do what God and the bishop (in that order) call me to do and I have no idea of what that might be.

You see, in our society, “THE QUESTION” usually is not really a question seeking information. It is a statement and question combined meaning ‘you’ll never make any money doing that! Are you crazy?” I would like to ask of the big money makers or degrees “is that ALL you are going to do with THAT?” but it wouldn’t work. There are people who see life-work as meaningful only as it can be measured by money, and people to whom money is secondary.

I live in an old house which needs work, but it is paid for. I drive a car which is older, but it is paid for. Even my body needs some work, but it is paid for! I helped a bit here and there, but my children have pretty much paid for their educations on their own and they seem happy with their choices. We all lead lives we consider to have meaning and we seem as content as you can be in this crazy world. I guess that is what we are going to do with ‘THAT’.

Quiet Time….?

Yesterday at church we got the annual (and very good) homily about going inside of oneself during Advent to find God in the ‘quiet’.  As a teacher I can tell you that this time of year is anything but quiet.  We have events scheduled for our students every day this week, and the semester ends soon.

I worry about the ones for whom the ‘quiet’ is disturbed by thoughts of despair, broken families, overheard financial problems discussed by struggling parents, and more.  I read a great deal about student problems in their writing, and their problems seem especially close to the surface this year.

I love the season of Advent and the quiet waiting. Easter is supposed to be the most important feast of the liturgical year, but Advent followed by Christmas is my favorite. I will listen for God in the quiet of solitude that is so important to me, but I will also listen for my ‘kids’  in the chaos of this time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and try not to be too distracted to hear what they need someone to hear.

Growing Hopefully….Hopefully Growing?

Recently my wife and I experienced one of those wonderful moments in parenthood known as ‘an incident’.  The incident was complicated by the fact that it concerned a child not ours by birth, but nevertheless ours by choice and definitely one we are responsible for in terms of safety and well-being among other things.

The incident was not nearly as interesting as my wife’s comment to me “ YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER ACTED THAT WAY WITH ONE OF OUR KIDS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!” Her comment came to me with hints and flavors of frustration, irritation, and most of all, bewilderment.  She is exactly right, as usual.

In my defense, I am not particularly proud of how I handled some things in my parenting career, and I have no hopes that I will handle every ‘incident’ perfectly during the remainder of my parenting career.  Nevertheless, I DO have hopes that perhaps, just perhaps, I handled this one better and that I too, am ‘growing up’. As one favorite movie line of mine says, “Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things.” With that in mind, I’ll try to keep growing in hope, and,  hopefully, growing.

A Tale of Two Men…

Being at the age when you know you have more yesterdays than tomorrows makes you more reflective, or it should.  One looks back on a life and has to honestly evaluate the small triumphs and tragedies that make up the pages of a life story.  This is, perhaps, especially true, the closer one gets to retirement.

I know of two men who are retiring at the end of this school year.  One of them loves his job, one of them hates it. One of them will be missed by everyone, and one of them will not be missed much at all.  One is humble, appreciates his chance to work with kids and worries about being missed; the other is not-so-humble, and does not seem to like anything associated with education, especially the children he serves.  I have never heard one of them say anything negative, and I have never heard the other say anything positive.

One of these men has lived Thoreau’s ‘well-examined life’.  He will be missed, even though he does not think so, and he has touched countless lives, ever so quietly.  I hope in the time I have left I will become more like him.

Paper Anxiety….

I have been ‘going to college’ since 1975, and I am not near finished with what I want to learn.  There is , however, a price for that learning, and I am not talking about tuition.  I have ‘paper anxiety’.  Once upon a time it was ‘test anxiety’ but in my areas of academic interest, papers ARE the test of knowledge.

This means not only do you have to know something, you have to be able to write as well, and therein lies the problem.

Usually when you write, they tell you to ‘know your audience’.  The audience for my papers is someone I have never seen, and sometimes only talked to once via a conference call.  The audience doesn’t know me, and I don’t know them.

They also say ‘write what you know’; unfortunately, I am writing to show that I DO know, and I don’t know if I DO know until the reader of the paper gets back to me to tell me what I do and don’t know. Confused? Welcome to my writing world.

In my last class I wrote the most difficult paper I have ever authored.  I followed the usual mantra of any writer going through the creative process “Be good, be good, BEGONE!” As I finished it, I thought it the worst thing I have ever written, but I think that about everything I write.

I got the paper back a few days ago.  The grade?  Doesn’t matter, I am already sweating the next two for the current course. Maybe I should just make a plan to graduate so I don’t have to go through this, but then who would I write for?

Smartboard? Smart Teacher?

A few days ago I received a little toy for my classroom and there is it is before me, six and one-half feet of ’smartboard’, a Promethean smartboard to be exact.  Classicists will no doubt remember that Prometheus brought fire (read ‘knowledge’) to humankind.  He was also thoroughly punished for it as I recall.

The educational world being what it is I am amused at the decision process that delivered the new toy to my playground.  Was I the most ‘tech-savvy’? N-o-o-0.  Was I perhaps one of the ‘best teachers’? Don’t think so. Was it maybe because I was a favorite of the ‘powers that be’? God prevent such a thing!

I received a smartboard for no other reason than that it fit into my classroom.  Yep, ‘no other place to put it, so you get it’ I was told.  Now I am the envy of the teachers who did not have the right fitting rooms, and the delight of the students who now have a whole new reason for asking ‘can we write on your board?’ 

If the truth be known, the board is no different from a piece of chalk, albeit more fun and less dusty.  It is a tool that neither makes me a better teacher, nor a worse.  If it improves my teaching somehow, it will be worth it I suppose.  At the worst, it is a great way to watch movies with a killer speaker system!

Loadin’ or Totin’?

I am supposed to write a 15-20 page essay on what I have learned about spirituality and, in part, how it has affected my life.  A blog is much too confined a space to take a walk down that very long road, but I think it comes down to a few things, one in particular.

If someone is truly spiritual, no matter what aspect that spirituality assumes, the spirituality must be manifested in action. Love is an action, not an emotion, and a truly spiritual person should act in a loving way.

Loving for me, includes refraining from gossiping about, thinking of, or treating anyone or anything in an unjust way.  It is remarkable how little I realize how often I make judgments about how others live or act until I try NOT to make those judgments. Try it if you don’t believe me!

Love is an act. and it includes thoughts, words, and deeds. Everyone carries a burden, a cross if you will, in life.  Some burdens are more visible than others, but we all have them. Simply ask, ‘do my acts, thoughts, words, deeds, add to a person’s load, or help them to carry it?” I suspect that not only do we add to others’ loads, we add to our own far more often than we realize. So, are you helping to ‘tote’ a person’s burden, or just loading  it?