If I Could Save Time….

I thought that when I finished my graduate program last summer that I would have more time to write.  I am writing a little, but that is on a private page in order to record my thoughts and experiences as a pastoral ministry intern.

Although an outwardly disorganized looking INFJ, I like to  have schedules and endpoints although I am willing to be flexible once I have them. In just such a way, I knew exactly when I would end my graduate work, and when I finished, I wanted my diploma and other documentation right now, if not sooner.

Interning in a pilot program is a ‘stretch and grow’ time for me, and it takes me out of my comfort zone in terms of time. The internship is scheduled on a ‘as can’ basis, and there is no defined endpoint. I will be done interning whenever somebody says ‘you’re done’, and that is a good thing. It enables me to concentrate on process instead of product. Ironically, ending would mean doing less in terms of variety because I might be confined to my very small parish, but I am not concerned.

What I do as a pastoral minister, when I do it, where I do it, is something I have completely turned loose of in terms of worry and planning. Perhaps that is what the ancients referred to as ‘surrender’ but the terminology is not important. I trust that I will do what I am called to when I am called to it, and my time should be spent listening for the call.

I wish I could have back the time I spent worrying about time. I would give it to the Alzheimer’s patient I am working with, or the widow I met who is still working through a year of ‘firsts’ although these all commemorate the first time as a widow. I would give the time to the parents of the perfect 12-hour old baby girl I held last Saturday, because I know now how fast that time as parents goes.

Strangely enough, I do not wish for more time for myself for much of anything. Perhaps my only wish is that I had spent less time worrying about being noticed for the things I tried to do. In the rest of my ‘time’, my sincerest wish is that I never be noticed again for good or for ill. I am blessed to work with people who have given me a chance to do good work, and I want to use that time to do the work given to me.


About Edward

Dishwasher, bartender, cook, house painter, movie usher, Marine helicopter pilot, teacher, administrator, teacher again, retired teacher, Secular Franciscan, Lay Ecclesial Minister- it's been an interesting ride.
This entry was posted in Personal Reflection, Religion/Spirituality. Bookmark the permalink.

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